By: Crystal Alba
When you hear someone is judging you, negative emotions start to arise within you.
I know it did for me, at least.
It was hard for me to hear what others thought of me. I would have so much anxiety when it came to meeting someone new for the first time because my first thought was “What will they think of me?”.
I also went through a phase of validation.
I was alive but I wasn’t really living my life. Read that again.
I was living a life to please those around me.
But in reality, I created a concept in my head about opinions that didn’t really exist.
Recently, I’ve connected with myself in a way that allows me to let go to things that no longer serve me. One of those things? Judgement.
Caring for the opinions of others turns into taking the perspective of someone else as judgement. It is entirely up to us to take that opinion negatively or simply allow it to pass by you, like a moving car.
Initially, the more that we engage in the opinions of others, the more energy we are exerting. We could be conserving that energy and using it to create something for ourselves or within ourselves. Thus, creating has become a challenge in today’s society as judgement is everywhere- social media, the news, radio, etc.
It creates fear to be our true, authentic selves because we fear what someone may think of us or whether we are accepted in someone’s circle. We have created our reality based on others’ opinions.
Most of my anxiety stemmed from being unable to accept someone else’s opinion of me. Such as “You should change your hair.” or “You seem intimidating”. I would focus so hard on what someone might or might not think of me when in reality, it’s just someone else’s perspective.
As I connected within myself, in recent years, a little lightbulb lit up as I realized: they are not living my life! They are simply experiencing my life through their standpoint. Like I said before. We choose whether we see their perspective as a negative opinion or you can alter it as simply being “They haven’t been in my shoes”. And walk on.
We are all living a different life. Much like someone may judge our life from their standpoint, we may do the same about their life. In my soul search, I’ve accepted that we are human and we may form misconceptions about someone else’s life.
Letting go of judgement means to be mindful and compassionate for others rather than judging them. For instance, at the preschool my daughter went to, I once perceived one of the other parents to be “rude” or “have an attitude” because of their short responses. As it turned out, they are a very caring individual. Once I approached her and invited her to have coffee while waiting for our kids to come out of class, I’d learned more about their life. I learned how her life was also created based on fear and opinions of others. As she could confide in me, she opened up about fleeing from her country and her life here in the U.S. – it was beautiful! Much like a butterfly, her soul changed itself once it felt free. Free from pressure, free to be her authentic self and free from the limitations. It’s just about perspective and allowing the opportunity of metamorphosis.
Judgement takes a form of reflection upon yourself. Often, a trait that we criticize of someone is actually a trait that is within ourselves. We have to start accepting the trait to let go and accept what is in front of us. When we start to realize that the negative opinion is upon themselves, we start to let go of their judgement. We can stop taking things personally and live free without limitation!
Why I Decided To Soul Search On Judgement
I realized that my daughter was interested in Youtube videos about novelty toys. As we watch them together, she often assumes certain parts of the Youtubers life such as “They must have a lot of toys” or “They must have a huge house”. Granted, they probably do. However, as a five year old, her innocence is still pure. As her parent, I have a job to guide her or misguide her. Do we let her assume someone’s life based off of appearances or continue to guide her as she changes a judgement to perspective? Remember- metamorphosis!
So I had to sit her down and show her a ripped up book from my childhood. I asked her “What do you think of the book?”
“It looks old and boring.” she said as she handed it back to me.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because it’s ripped up!” she said.
As I read it, she laughed and enjoyed the pictures.
I asked her again, after reading the book, what she thought. She stared at the book for a while then replied, “It’s a funny book”.
“We shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover,” I said as I officially passed the book down to her.
My daughter’s first lesson on judgement.
Cheers to that!
LET IT GO! ( I may or may not have started singing the Frozen version)
So you heard someone was talking a little smack about you?
Let that shit go!
Your energy should not be wasted on trying to manipulate someone’s perspective, experience, or opinion. It is your life and living in limitation or bound to someone’s opinion is not living life to your fullest, friends!